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Society & Stories

Sorry, I’m not Spanish

Filiz' Column

A hot-blooded woman comes tottering around the corner in a red, frilly dress, cursing with a rolling “R”, gives a man a juicy slap in the face and in the end, gets laid. She’s, of course, on top. Boom!

That must be how German men imagine an encounter with a Southern European woman.

When spoken to by a man as a Southern-European woman, he’s normally not interested in your personality. In his head, he’s got a specific idea and it can’t be changed very easily: Wild locks, fiery eyes, temperament all the way to Julio Iglesias’ arse cheeks. Of course, not every Southern-European woman is jealous, hot-blooded and illicitly mysterious. Some are really boring and as see-through as a glass cabinet.

If you are one of the dull bloods, it doesn’t take long to see that “Ger-Man” loses his interest throughout the conversation. Then he thinks: “Why hasn’t she thrown her martini in my face yet, and then ordered me to buy her a new drink immediately – the most expensive on the menu, por favor!”

Because she doesn’t speak Spanish and unfortunately isn’t Spanish.

Why “unfortunately”? Because men are convinced that if you are dark-haired, you must be Spanish, Italian, or from one of the other good, modern EU nations. Turkish? Not “taken” so happily.

Because Turks are Southern Europeans with fine print: Sexy, if you like secret meetings in parks in Wedding, and want to be on the front page in an article about honour killings.

Of course, as in all professionally researched social phenomena, there are exceptions: If you are lucky enough to flirt with the only German who dropped out school in third grade and ends his sentences with “tschüüüsch”, then the wedding bells start ringing.

Because the German version of Eminem combined with the Turkish version of Nazan Eckes promises a successful integration for all genitals involved. Especially if “Germinem” publicly announces that he wasn’t only circumcised due to hygienic reasons but also as a thank you to baba for Songül’s hand. That is how a great love story and wonderful happy end comes to be (which, in Turkish films, always ends with the death of the female lover).

Credits
Illustration: Mathis Rekowski